When I went hospital, I gave up smoking. Just like that. It wasn't so bad when I was in a different environment but once I got home and back to my routineless routines, it was bizarrely difficult. I feel like I am crack addict. The idea of smoking fills my brain most of the day and it is already 3 weeks.
The physical cravings went After 2 weeks but the psychological craving doesn't seem to want to let up. Smoking filled a space in my life that I wasn't ready to give up. It marked the time in my days. It allowed me to stop thinking. It put my life on hold. Before I did anything, I smoked. When I need a break, I smoked. Now I have my life ahead of me and I am not sure that I like what I am seeing. Before, I could have clouded the realisation with a smoke. Now there is just endless time ahead of me. Endless potential to be filled.
I have to face my faults head on now. There is no pause button and my brain is having problems dealing with this. Smoking was a pause from life, in every way. It brings you closer to death. You ride the edge but do it in a 'safe' way.
Now that I am an almost non-smoker, I am propelled forward by Oprah moments. I must live my best life. I must fulfil my potential. I must create change. I should make a difference. There is no pause.
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